stuck in the middle

I can't stop watching The Thick of It and In the Loop. All that profane yelling in thick Glaswegian accents, it's mesmerizing. And oddly hot.

And that's just Malcolm Tucker. Here's his assistant/second-in-command/feral rabid dog Jamie:

"You take the piss out of Jolson again and I will remove your iPod from its tiny nano-sheath and push it up your cock. Then I'll put some speakers up your arse and put it on to shuffle with my fucking fist. And every time I hear something that I don't like--which will be every time that something comes on--I will skip to the next track by crushing your balls."

That's a masterclass, right there.

WALTER
I speak the truth; my words are straight and true.
The man of Orient birth is not the issue.

DONALD
The Orient, Sir Walter?

WALTER
I speak, old friend, of truths in desert land.
The hour is nigh to draw line in the sand.

THE KNAVE
Deserts? I had made it plain that he was Orient-man.

WALTER
Though words in haste be only human nature,
‘Orient-man’ is not preferr’d nomenclature.

Read the entirety of the original (and download the PDF, if you want) HERE. [h/t FilmDrunk, via FARK]