stuck in the middle

"You take the piss out of Jolson again and I will remove your iPod from its tiny nano-sheath and push it up your cock. Then I'll put some speakers up your arse and put it on to shuffle with my fucking fist. And every time I hear something that I don't like--which will be every time that something comes on--I will skip to the next track by crushing your balls."

elapsedspiral

One of the most vivid memories he had from his childhood was of opening a copy of "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes" by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Even now he remembered pouring over stories of thieves and crooks, villainy and deceit. He also recalled a lot of service revolver use and trap doors. At the heart of every story there was the sleuth himself, Sherlock Holmes, and his loyal companion John Watson. Sherlock, he remembered reading, was a tall dark-haired man with an eagle-eyed gaze and a hawk-like nose. He had a habit of being bitingly sarcastic and generally very witty. Watson, by contrast, was a long-suffering but brave and dependable man who balanced his detective friend's less appealing traits well. And together, he recalled, the pair had solved impossible crimes and gone on amazing adventures.

He had hated every single page of those books and the reason was readily understandable. It was, after all, somewhat unnerving at the age of seven to read that he was, apparently, a master of disguise, of the martial arts and of identifying soil types. It was very alarming to read how he fell down a waterfall in Switzerland and that he had an arch-enemy. People surely didn't have arch-enemies.

And so at age seven, Sherlock Holmes came fully to appreciate how big a pair of prats his parents were for naming him after a fictional detective.

erdilien23

Ayaw n'yo kay Korina as 2nd Lady ng 'Pinas? Mas matakot kayo kay Elenita, lol.
(Trans: Don't want Korina [Sanchez-Roxas] as the Second Lady of the Philippines? Be afraid of Elenita [Binay], lol.)

• GET OUT OF MY HEAD JEREMY BRETT! I can't read Sherlock Holmes/John Watson slash without giggling like a prize idiot. Not because they're bad -- some are quite good -- but I developed a concrete picture of Holmes and Watson from reading all the stories and this picture keeps intruding into my carefully-constructed-yet-dangerously-fragile head-bubble that is the 2009 movie!verse. I can only (provisionally) accept Holmes/Watson when they're RDJ and Jude Law.


• I'd like to say that I have no horse in this race, but I used to watch both Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno pretty regularly when both their shows were being aired here on cable, and I realize that I'm for Team CoCo. He's much funnier, and it's obvious who's being really screwed over here. Gawker has all the sordid details of this riveting bitchfight between rich white men.
  
  (for some odd reason I also have vivid memories of Leno vs Letterman 1992.)
  
  (also, jeez, why the fuck am I caring? Craig Ferguson FTW)


• Oh, of course! IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU, ISN'T IT?* Speaking of bitchfight, Kris Aquino's gone loco again. Her brother, presidential candidate (and all-around wet noodle) Senator Noynoy Aquino, has asked that people give her and husband James some privacy. Hard to do that, Noynoy, when your baby sister appears on Private Conversations with Boy Abunda to appeal to James to get his act together and help save their marriage. All this, by the way, while tearfully airing all the dirty laundry at the same time. The woman just lives in a self-absorbed bubble, doesn't she? I would say that her mother is probably spinning in her grave, but Cory had to deal with 25+ years of this shit. The poor lady deserves her rest.
  
  *Galaxy Quest, ILU.


• Tick-tock, tick-tock. Still need a concrete idea for my final term paper in grad class. I've got a one-on-one powwow scheduled with the prof on Thursday in Makati, can't show up half-assed. Thing is, I still don't have much of a grasp on what the class is really about.


• Er, Um. So there's this guy. I think his friends are obliquely setting us up. Or having a joke at my expense. Possibly both.